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It was a LOL moment for me too 👍
 

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The Night Nurse;
The more you think about this one, the funnier

it gets. Short & sweet, a good one.

A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after
an 16-hour shift. Preparing to write a cheque,
she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse
and tries to write with it. When she realises her mistake,
she looks at the flabbergasted teller, and without missing
a beat, she says: ‘Well, that's great...that's just great...
some arsehole's got my pen!
 

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We didn’t want to stockpile, so we’ve just had the one toilet roll delivered....

0EA52B73-D2CB-4E6F-B9B5-E1F97DD32ABF.jpeg
 
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I'm giving up drinking till Christmas.

Sorry bad punctuation.

I'm giving up. Drinking till Christmas.
 

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As it’s lockdown, I’ve bought a couple of books to keep me busy, I can recommend them both....

Brake Failure, by Willy Stoppit

Its a long way to fall, by Eileen Dover.
 

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Bubbles in the bath by Ivor Windybottom.
 

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Pedro is sitting alone by the harbour, a friend of his walks by and asks why he looks so sad.

Pedro replies...
You see those houses on the hillside, Pedro built all those houses, with these hands, but do people say, Hey - look, there goes Pedro the Housebuilder, ....... No.

You see these boats in the harbour, Pedro built all these boats, but do people say, Hey - look, there goes Pedro the Boatbuilder, ...... No.

But you f u ck a pig once........
 

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Our neighbour found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the vet. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from reoccurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

The lady went off to the Chemist to get some "Nair" hair remover. When she goes to pay, the Chemist tells her, "If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days." The lady says: "I'm not using it under my arms." The Chemist says: "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days." The lady says: "I'm not using it on my legs either; if you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."

The Chemist says: "In that case stay off your bicycle for at least a week."
 

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Here’s the one Maffy goes to every day!
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