The Night Nurse; The more you think about this one, the funnier it gets. Short & sweet, a good one.
A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after
an 16-hour shift. Preparing to write a cheque,
she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse
and tries to write with it. When she realises her mistake,
she looks at the flabbergasted teller, and without missing
a beat, she says: ‘Well, that's great...that's just great...
some arsehole's got my pen!
Our neighbour found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the vet. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from reoccurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.
The lady went off to the Chemist to get some "Nair" hair remover. When she goes to pay, the Chemist tells her, "If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days." The lady says: "I'm not using it under my arms." The Chemist says: "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days." The lady says: "I'm not using it on my legs either; if you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."
The Chemist says: "In that case stay off your bicycle for at least a week."